The Lime Scented Pine Trees of Zarahemla

Dear Bloginistas,

Just to keep you all up on what's happening in the ever exciting life of YHS, I decided to post this little communiqué dittie.

To sum it up, not much is really going on as my latest mission impossible has me traveling to Nashville (yawn y'all).

Of some note is that Her Hotness and I (and the pack) now have a new addition to the casa du Zarahemla. She goes by the name of Penny (the Pooper).

She is either a Pincher or a Manchester Terrier or (actually this part is an exact match) the canine with the shortest digestive tract ever.

She seems somehow to be able to process the mass quantities of food she snarfs down 10 times a day and instantly (and not wanting to be too graphic here) have it shoot out of her working end within 15 seconds after inhalation. Of course, much hilarity ensues trying to get her out the door before she performs this trick and the mop and trowel brigade is called in.

Luckily, she is cute as a button, if not a tad on the dumb side. Witness that she tries to lick the air when you talk to her. Hmm, or maybe my breathe just smells like dog food? Whatever, she still seems pretty cute and dopey.

Penny the Pooper's specs are:

Black and Tan all over with tan dots over her eyes and (somehow fittingly) a tan triangle over her working end. She has huge paws, and weighs in at approx 20 pounds (and counting). She's about a foot and a half high and two feet long.

We think she's about 4 months old.

Hans, and Bell (the dogs) and Bob and Milo (the cats) all hate her, but seem to be siding up to her more recently. Their verbal attacks all seem more subtle for now at least.

Um, what else is going on? Well, the 5 minutes I was home this last weekend I did manage to mow the lawn for the 1st time this year. Which reminds me that the white pine trees (sticks) that I planted all seem to be dying along nicely.

The only ones that might make it are the back corner ones. These conversely overlook downtown Boretrose (NE corner) and the one that I placed over Jake's (Penny's predecessor) grave (NW corner).

I have no idea why the ones outfront are all turning brown other than the common fact that I planted them all and I have no idea (surprise) what I'm doing.

It did seemed pretty straight forward. Dig a small hole and then place the tree (stick) in the hole and cover with some dirt. Add water to the mix and presto 25 years from now you'd have tree worth the name.

Somehow I may have missed the step where I'm supposed to put a fish in the hole or something. But I could be wrong. Not sure.

Hey speaking of Jake (the formally alive and world’s smartest dog) I have in my archives a NSFW hidden spycam satellite photo of Jake and Her Hotness(pant) “sunabathing” that I will post once I get back to Boretrose. This should be good for at least a week’s banishment on the couch.

On a happier note, Jenson Button won today’s Bahrain GP. Not real sure if the camel riding (polite term) crowd fully appreciated what they were watching, but what the hey? This is the go go naughts, zeros, zeds, nothings (BTW, what the heck do you call this decade anyways?), err tens minus one, so you now have to go with the flow (down the tube).

On a sillier note, if I forget to pack my underwear on a trip more then once a year, would this be considered an early sign of dementia? I’ll have to check with the online edition of ‘Ol Coot Monthly (now merged with Skeeze Magazine) to do a virtual e-evaluation on my sanity. Here’s hoping. (and changing)

Since I think the D&C is no longer just the Democrat and Chronicle (google it). Losing one’s BVDS is no laughing matter. Neither is the “itch down everywhere” after washing them (the only pair I now have enroute) out in the sink every night using Marriott’s finest shampoos.

At least they have a limey smell afterwards (if not before).


Here’s to just scratchin the surface (for now)…


YHS

How Do You Like the New Digs?

Dear Bloginistas,

In keeping with the whole world now seeming to have gone kookoo, I've now gone "green" and have changed the colour of my blog. This major "eco" change, I'm sure, will now tip the scales on our orb's tilt towards either us freezing to death or us self igniting. You can all thank me later.

BTW, please feel free to voice your opinion on my/our (we are all in this together remember) colour change. If I feel so inclined I may actually acknowledge such and change it back (or worse).

On a lighter note, Big Brother Google now has some scam where they can post ads on this hollowed (hallowed) site (if I so agree) and I allegedly will get some dosh back for doing so. All you have to do is click on my (our) site's ads about a quadrillion times (just like the national debt) and I will get paid some nominal sum for you doing so. Seems like a win, win, win to me.

The funny part is that Google will pick the ads based on the content of my blog. HA!

Geez, how in the heck is that going to happen considering the nonsense I can't help myself writing about? What idiotic sponsor would ever want to be part of this mess?

Lets see, with my demographics, my ads' broad targeted audience would be: (in no particular order)

1) Small mute Asian women
2) Old Italian formerly hot babes
3) Mormons with a Catholic guilt complex
4) Really frugal Her Hotness (pant) types
5) Gay Iowan farmers
6) Closet Cosmo readers
7) Freak show Walmart shoppers
8) Women(?) who drive Outbacks
9) President Erkel lovers
10) Gas Cramped Reindeer
Extra bonus pick: 11) Some guy named Guido

Sweet. I can see the cash rolling in now.

Here's looking at a new tax bracket....


YHS

Hell No We Won't 'Mo

Dear Bloginistas,

Geez, is the world upside down or what? When you think of the bastion of liberal thinking in this country, where do you think of? Berkeley CA, New York City (said in a Pace Picante Sauce advert voice), or someplace like Harvard, right?

The last place, and I mean the last place, would be Clem Kadiddlehopper’s Pig Farm in Stenchville Iowa. But no, wait, somehow some citified (said with same Pace Picante advert voice) Iowa Supreme Court Judge (we even have a Supreme Court and why?) decided that marrying “gays” (the polite term) is now aok in Iowa. Somebody pinch me. Please make this is some kind of delayed April Fools joke and go away. Pretty please?

Um no, unfortunately this is, I guess all too true.

I’m imagining that this will go over real big on Ol Clem’s farm. Clem: “Hey, Zeb, I have two male pigs here that I want to mate. Do you think it will work?” Zeb: “Har, har Clem. That’s a good one. Everyone knows that two male pigs can’t mate, but if you and me want to get married that would be just dandy”.

This is going to be a real boon for our local economies. Every fruit, nut and flake will now want to come (sic) and honeymoon (puke) in Iowa.

On a happier note, Barky and Horseface just gave the Queen of England a big hug.

Disgustedly,

YHS

If This Is Austin, Then This Must Be Wednesday

Dear Bloginistas,

Well if this is Tuesday, then this must be Orlando. The present mission impossible has me US trekking.

Funny how the happiest place on earth also happens to have the crappiest airport.

Trying to get through security is a joke. You'd of thunk that after having practiced for the last 40 years since Walt died they'd have this down by now. I guess not. I wonder if Mickey gets "walked right through"? That rat bastard.

I'm not sure if all of the chaos is because of all of kids (it looks like a Mormon convention put on by some Catholics) or all of the foreigners (Que?) or the ever present dazed old people (where am I?), but MCO is one screwed up mess. The worst I've ever been through. And while they are at it, maybe they could buy an air conditioner worth a darn (damn). After all this is Central Florida. Just a suggestion.

As a side note, on my last trip outta LAX (I think it was Monday) somebody said Usher (the singer?) was on the plane in 1st class. Even if I knew who he was, I guess I wouldn't have recognized him as he would have just looked like another (careful here) black Angelino to me. I think I need to maybe watch BET more (ever) to get up to speed on who's who in Hip(dip) Hop. Do I sound really white (ie old) or what?

What else is going on? Hmm, we all seem to still be in a handbasket, so nuf said there.

The peculiarities of Boretrose's weather rang true the 18 minutes I was home last weekend and it (in order) rained, sleeted, snowed and then all froze. Nice. Thank goodness for global climate change or we'd all burst into flames.

Hey, the Australian GP was last weekend and the Brawn GP team (nee Honda with a Merc lump in the back) smoked em. Hee, hee, rotsa ruck you slant eyed devils. You freakin blew it!!!! (ok, despite the obvious anti oriental err asian reference you'd have to be a F1 fruitcake (like moi) to truly understand what the heck I'm on about - hey take the dive)

So anywho, maybe, just maybe this season will be worth something.

On a lighter note, I'm wondering when Kimi and Felipe will do a 1, 2 with their Chrysler Dino's. Just another thought. Ha, somebody stop me!

Hey, on a more revealing note, I did make some really grand sour dough bread last weekend. Ok I'm gay, but one has to have some obsessions.

Hey speaking of gay, what up with Seattle taking back Wiffie (Jr.)?

And speaking of obsessions, Manny is back with the Dodgers. I'm down with that (and I'm trippin).

So before I make anymore out of body trans socio statements I'm gone.....


YHS